BUT I KNOW WHO I AM

I may not know where I am

I may not know where headed I am

But I know who I am

 

I may not touch the wind

I may not soak the rain

I may not feel the Zen

I may not end up in the heaven

But I know I am not afraid anymore

 

Excruciating, reverberating, rejuvenating

Moments had their breathe squeezing

When they saw the disaster impending

Moments sang the song of the thrill

The voice became softer devoid of any shrill

 

I stand there, quiet,

To wage another fight

Moments reckon of the looming night

Inviting me

To the darkness of uncertainty

But I know

I am still there

For your smile of serenity

And,

I will zoom past this night

 

I may not know where I am

I may not know where headed I am

But I know who I am

 

Its stranger still!

Life, a loser, calls, says! Behold

Let’s fight again,

For the sake of romance of fighting

For the joy of adventure of losing

 

Its stranger still!

Life recalls, says! Listen

We have been the bedfellows

Always fighting

Never thinking of going away

 

You see your win I see mine

You claim your survival

I claim my revival

I have been there, listening

To all, it says, sifting

Through, what it means

Assimilating what it aims

Reading what it failed to name

 

I know through its odd sways

I will, again, find my ways

I know I am the one, whom

I have been looking for

Though

I may not know where I am

I may not know where headed I am

But I know who I am

 

Life, you say I was mismatched

And there,

You so deliberately crashed

O’ your materialist ways, with

Layers of assorted ambiguities

I was there, I am there, I will be there

With all my ‘too’ simplistic ethos and mores

That you found so hard to believe

That,

You went on to the extent, to

Deceive

 

O’ life, but

Isn’t it your way to go?

A flow, marked with

Such dismay

That you ceased to exist for me

 

I won’t take anymore of your artificial beauty

I won’t listen to anymore of your cacophonous eloquence

I won’t be deceived anymore by your innocent look

I won’t be betrayed anymore by duality of your words

For,

I reclaimed who I was and who I need to be

I know I am through this important learning

 

I may not know where I am

I may not know where headed I am

But I am now on the way to be me

For I know who I was

For I know who I am going to be!

 

December 17, 2011

 

 ©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

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