IT WAS NEVER FROM THE HEART..

It was never for the soul
It was always for the pain

With duplicities defining the whole
With charades and their shows inane

The fragrance was always deceiving
The presence frequently compromised

With an intent bent on misleading
With a soul already dispossessed

Yes, it was never from the heart
Yes, it was always a face so concealed

Emotions

IT WAS NEVER FROM THE HEART..

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

LOSS, THE FEELING STAYS, FOREVER..

Loss, it hurts,
And stays with you,
As your days travel,
As your nights stand still,
With the feeling,
Of a hunted soul,
Looking desperately,
For answers,
Questioning the reality,
And rereading the illusions,
Loss, it shatters,
Tearing into you,
Crushing your sense of being,
And it remains with you,
Awaiting the answers,
Or seeking the day,
When you have lived enough,
To make peace with it,
Accepting the reality of it,
As the feeling stays, forever..

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

AND WITH THIS BLISS..

Today, I did something
In the flow of life
Something yet again
That indeed
Was never undone
Today, it happened
As if, it was so inside me
Yes, it was,
So naturally instinctive
Like your memories
Taking me to the day
When I had seen
You first on my way
The first moments of you
Those hours and that view
Have stayed with me
Something, that
Reverberates every day
Always like anew
And with this bliss
You have come
To stay with me forever
Like the subtle guide
Of the moment
Showing me the
Better of you forever
Today, when it happened
It was indeed, to my end
The better aspect of being me
With you
With thoughts of being we
Of being the one I could be
Of being the man I should be

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

CLOUDS..I WANT TO HOLD ONTO THEM..

Clouds, I want to hold onto them this time

Initiating the conversation of a lost thread

I take a leap forward, to bridge the gap

To fill the void, created by their flirtations

And to address my detachment of ages

 

They are flying, but they look scattered

They are floating, and they look in a misleading league

 

Though I am prepared, the unease finds its way

I think I should convey it but I don’t

Their flirtations like always, deter me still

Pushing my thoughts on what if they won’t

But my gaze remains intent, holding them in view

 

They look alert, if they look indifferent too, unlike it was

There is something, their agility tells it’s different this time

 

Clouds, for a change, I want to hold onto them

And they look positive to join the communion

The Black, the Shiny, the White, the Gray

They look inclined to begin the conversation

As if they realize what they did to me then

 

They look scattered, but they convey their willingness

As if their misleading league was to tease me one last time

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

MAYBE, YOUR SILENCE STILL SPEAKS TO ME..

The words and the soul they had

Still sound so meaningful to me

 Cannot say why I read them still

Again and again, wishing for more

 Words that push the lost person in me

To be found, to become soulful again

 The words and the soul they had

Given a life by your presence

 Words, now personified by your absence

Cannot say why but they stayed

 Maybe, to be with my loneliness

To heal, when I seek nothing but you

Cannot say why I still care for you

Maybe, your silence still speaks to me

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/ 

IT TAKES ME TO THE DAYS OF ‘US’..

It revives
Like
The persisting rains
Today
After a sultry
Humid spell
It embraces
Like
The rain drops
Quenching
A longing Soul
As it shall
Reigniting
The never satiated
Thirst again, of
You
Pushing
My restlessness
In thoughts
It wraps
Like
The new green
Leaves discover
Yet again
It radiates
The fragrance
The soil exudes
Yet again
The rain
Today
Takes me
To the days of ‘us’
To ‘you’
Again..

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

AT LEAST, TO LET ME KNOW..

Where are you, I don’t seek anymore

Why aren’t you, I don’t ask anymore

Why don’t you speak, I don’t question anymore

Why don’t you ask, I don’t think about anymore

Why did you go I could not have asked

What made you go still makes for my thoughts

You said it was, you said it wasn’t

I tried to listen, I tried to follow but couldn’t

I had to but I could not ask why I wasn’t

Why it had to be, what it had not to be

I am still, there, and here, with me, waiting

Would you please, come back, at least, to let me know..

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

LIVING AGAIN THE YESTERDAY

This sentence was written somewhere:‘Separation’ is a wound that no one can heal but ‘Remembrance’ is a gift no one can steal.

Memories..I am gifted!

Taking a side, heading a day,
Having a longing for the yesterday
When, again, I talk to me,
Morphing the soliloquy of me into we
The night falls, the day prepares to call
The night roars, the day whispers
The straight bars still changing angles
The roars, the whispers, and their confused jitters
Their desperate war cry to tread-off some solace
At the cost of loosing identities; getting some place
Slowly comes the high when all dazzles, and all is seen
The horizons melt, the bounds sublimate, setting the pace
The night and day, now tucking at the bay
I lose all, the night and the day,
When I plunge into this fall,
Out of bounds, taking the side, heading the day,
Now, in my own way
The unusual becomes the real,
When the ethereal becomes the surreal,
When the bars fade-in to come in a circle,
My words find their place, fed with my Soul
When you come to sit with me,
Words make a free fall and silence only speaks
I run again to be lost in that sublime whole,
When I talk to me, gone beyond this life,
Floating in the depth of the melted thoughts,
Drifted apart, drifted alone; getting the parts, creating the whole
The harmony of the silence gets louder,
The Soul stops seeking all, the flow gets wider,
There comes the moment,
Where I sublimate, away from all,
There remains just the soliloquy of we,
Lost in my absurdity, tanned with my words
Washed ashore on the riverine bed of the whole,
Cruising along the unsung song,
When creeps in the painful moment,
Where the journey back to this life begins,
Throwing me into the chasm of lost moments of the night
The Soul remains, but the flow is frozen,
That odd entity, the sleep, comes in its oddity,
The bars resume their dangling,
Crawling again with their rumbustious angling
The day falls, hopefully, for the night to call
Passing a day, living again the yesterday..

October 14, 2011

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

HERE, I BUILD A LIFE AGAIN..

Here, I build a life again,

From almost nothing..

Pushed by a resurrected me,

Helped by my silent prayers,

Talking to my faith in you..

Pain, negativity, darkness,

I have been through all..

I have had to live the pain,

To counter the negativity,

To annihilate the darkness,

And I could learn to live,

With the pain in that fall..

Here, I build a life again,

From almost nothing..

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

A YEAR OR SO, TWO AND HALF DEATHS IN A ROW

A year or so to that flow

Two and half deaths in a row
That crushing, blow after blow
Life, you tried all, stooped so low
Yet I am there, never to bow
What I knew,
Was never unknown
What life forgot,
Was never to be known
What had been sown,
Was never to be shown
Yet I am there,
As I had known
A fistful of this,
A Soulful of that
Words when they flew,
They did know,
Journey to the lost shore,
A known urge to know more
Once to the shore,
They push the door
A shapeless thought,
Comes to the fore
Words call my Soul,
Lost to the More
Lost somewhere, but,
I was only there
Eyes in the hollow,
Tears just to swallow
The thoughts identify,
Realize and follow
Words sate thirst,
Get to the Soul
Unstoppable,
Tears get the brush,
Palms make a rush,
To recollect that,
Moment of rebirth
I am still there, thus,
Becomes known again
Hands full of copious flow
Holding the so known, own
Face of my Soul in the glow
The thought full of rebirth
A conscious full of worth
A year or so to that flow
Two and half deaths in a row
Yes, words, they now flow
Thoughts, they now grow
And, I am here, again, never to bow
Nothing now remains unknown

But, something seems yet to be known

May 5, 2011

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/