AND I DO REASON NOW..

I did not know, then
It would go this far
But I was always up
For what was coming
After I felt the need
To go beyond in life

That was the moment
When for a period
I had stopped reasoning
Allowing my soul to feel
What I had felt once
Flowing along the flow

I started a journey
I had decided for me
Though I had forgotten
The path so known
That it looked so distant
That it looked amiss

I have come this far
Flowing unrestricted
And I do reason now
Listening to my soul
Taking life as it comes
Shaping life as I need

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

DECISION

Still living that day
Like yesterday
When I had decided
To sit, to think
To go deeper inside
To make a life
As I had thought
To see the way ahead

It is my decision
To remain unsettled
And to live the feeling
Of the day
As it was just yesterday
The day when I felt
I was crying for an edifice
That never cared for me

I needed to look back
Into the time and its reasons
To try again to find
Why it was all so ambiguous
I would ask for answers
But why there were none
Yes, I still don’t have answers
But I accepted it on that day

What I did in my past
Was about my decisions
And I needed to go along
To find the reasons
For my decisions ahead
To set my soul free
To come out of ghettos
That had cropped up

The day when I realized
My life was still mine
Even if some decisions
Were not in time
When I felt
Even if I was wronged
I could reconcile
With what was dark

The decision
That gave me life back
The way I was
It asked to look back at
The days in past
Even if the darker ones
With reasons never given
To find the light ahead

I still live that day
Everyday
To own my decisions
Taking what all I say
To reason further
To settle
On an unsettling path
To see the way ahead

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

REFLECTING ON..AS A YEAR COMES..

For the love of writing
With the thrill of ride
For the joy of thinking
With a canvas so wide

To nature’s hallways
To its rhythmic slopes
To nature’s galleries
Through its sky ropes

For the love of writing
In the mood of romantics
For the pull of reflecting
In the league of semantics

My story in 365 days
My stories of 365 days
A life rejoiced every day
A though lived on its way

Writing it on my days
Riding it on my ways
Aiming high all it says
Thinking right all it prays

That is what is to be
It was what set me free
A life in own company
A thought in its harmony

Reflecting on as a year comes
Writing on as its day beckons
So far, the trip has been fine
And the pleasure is all mine..

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey –https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

A YEAR GOES BY..REFLECTING ON..

It was 365 days ago, the Tuesday on December 31, 2013, the day of symbolic transition of time, from one to the next milestone, from a year to the next, on the timescale, designed to keep track of times our lives pass through, that I was writing a poem, ‘A Year Goes By’, musing on the days the year had for me.

Doing so is always existentially individual. And here is the Wednesday of December 31, 2014, with an hour left.

Like any other event of life, it is for the perspectives that what we think on this day, how we reflect on the days gone by. Practically, it changes nothing much, apart from the psychological symbolism that gives us the frame to look back, to reflect on – on what was a year in life, a capsule of time, adding to the story of our existence, adding stories as the year proceeded, adding elements as the days changed the calendar entry.

And it is never a zero-sum game – positive or negative, you gain something, in terms of experiences – vital enough to guide you if you can hear the call.

I had not thought of any resolutions on December 31, 2014, like I always did. Yes, I had my reflections and accordingly had certain stopovers to head to, but there was nothing in the realm of ‘pinned’. Instead, it was living life fully, my way, every day.

How successful I have been? Now success is a relative term and should be left to personal, intimate considerations. Like every life, I had my share of good and bad and routine but I didn’t see any point, like always, to assess my life in ‘gain or loss’ terms. I could do what I had thought to do. I could not do certain things that were in my mind. But I could continue doing certain things that I needed to do.

I wrote freely, extending and building on my way of life, going deeper inside me, on the journey to reclaim me that had its origin on a day, exactly four years ago, December 31, 2010, a setback that first pushed me to question my identity vehemently, setting me thus on the path to find who I was before the reason of the setback had taken over my thinking, and later on, became the light to guide me to go even deeper inside, in my own company. Yes, the identity crisis was over a long ago but identity is a lifetime love.

2014 saw definitive development on my books, two of them I am working on. The flow was good initially and I had thought I would be able to finish the drafts by the year end. But, then the writer’s block crept in (if I can claim to have one ). So, while the thoughts kept on building and finding space in my notes, the drafts didn’t progress to completion. Anyway, the block is over now and I think I am going to take it with the same love I had.

Meanwhile, I could finally bring up my website – http://www.santoshchaubey.com – to extend my blogging experience to a formal and diversified content platform. Some of my content is already categorized there and as I am going to take it as extension of my notebooks, it will see constant experiments and updates.

Writing is relief and release and I explored the canvas for newer realms and blogging continued to have some of its share through my regular blogs – http://severallyalone.blogspot.in/ and https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/ – and my themed blogs – http://www.banarascalling.com/ and http://santoshchaubey.tumblr.com/ – with 550 posts including – articles, poems, photographs, experimented images and quotes. For my first blog, ‘Beyond This Life’ or ‘Severally Alone’ (http://severallyalone.blogspot.in/), it was also the third ‘no breaks’ calendar year in a row.

During the course of writing, I did something that I had not done in years. I don’t remember the last time when I had watched a full movie in theatre. I prefer the home video option, even if it means some wait. I am not a film buff but I admire and revisit the good cinema and home videos give me the liberty to do so at my own pace while at the same time help me in building my library. But 2014 had the final episode of JRR Tolkien’s Middle Earth story, as filmed by Peter Jackson, scheduled in December. It was capping the second Middle Earth trilogy of Jackson’s stint with Tolkien’s land of fantasy after 11 years when the best of the lot, ‘The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King’, a landmark in narrating a book on screen, was released in 2003 and there was an urge to see the trilogies side-by-side, in their totalities, on how the craft of filmmaking had performed comparatively.

Now the home video would not come before April 2015. So, for my urge for the comparative study, I decided to take the route long forgotten when I picked up the movie in a theatre on Saturday, December 13.

Now, in few hours, the 4 of 2014 would transition to 5 of 2015. So, while the three digits would remain the same, the fourth different one would cause the next cycle on the timescale to begin, like the eternal message of living that says – ‘tomorrow is built on today with learning from yesterday’ – remember, life is never a zero-sum game.

It would be another calendar year with 365 new days to explore, to write, to read, to travel, to create new ideas, new stories, rewriting the oldies, clicking and capturing the known and unknown while continuing on the inward journey.

With the freedom of ‘no resolutions’ – with the freedom of my commitment to my conscience to live every day meaningfully liberated – with the freedom to make every day an opportunity!

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey –https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

A YEAR COMES..

THE SYMBOLISM OF A DAY

The transition
The symbolism of a day
To look back on
To feel the days gone by

To rehash the milestones
To recap the pains
To read them yet again
To text the symbolism

For the transition
Of a day’s identity
With its past
For its present

To make its tomorrow
The new Today
To renew the life
With a new pledge

To read the life
With a new you

The symbolism
Of a day’s transition
Happening everyday
Rejuvenates your identity

The symbolism
Of a day’s transition
From a year to the next
Is for, to reflect on a life

A year comes for the day
To add new elements
To its identity
With everyday newness

A day comes
To come everyday
To open up the vistas
For you to achieve more
For you to be more of you

A year comes
For every tomorrow
To make your today
For every day
To make your day

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

A YEAR GOES BY..

Cerebral promises
A year worked on
And a life dedicated
Thoughtful commitment
The quest and its statement

An inner urge to go beyond
It’s been a year worked on
An enlightened journey upslope
A pledge to go for the kill
A sentient resolve to respond

Cerebral periodicals
A year worked on
The seminal dissent
And a call taken in
Outwitting the inimical

A year goes by
A year comes now
An invitation to thrill
An inclination to drill
It is to be the way uphill

A meaningful year goes by
Advent of great days knocks
The music gets subtler
The song gets into the veins
Yes, for the cerebral promises

A year worked on
A year goes by
A year comes now
To be worked on
In the quest to go beyond

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

THOUGHTS..CALLIGRAPHY OF THAT UNSUNG INK..

Life is the relative presence of metathoughts
Death is just a relative absence of thoughts

Happening as it is, happened as it was
Scripting the ride, lost in the celebrated void

Caught in the hide, away to the treacherous jive
The vibrating nonsense, the agitating moondance

Trespassing the soliloquy of you and me and us
Somewhere to the known territory beyond this life

Away from the amorous wilderness, a journey
To the metathoughts where all that is you and me

Where all that is to aspire is the thought of us
Where all that is to be spoken is only through the silence thus

Where absence or presence doesn’t make sense any more
Where betrayal or acceptance doesn’t come to the fore

Life is the relative presence of thoughts of us
Death is the absolute absences of thoughts of us

Happening it is, for-ever it is to be
Air melts, outlines dissolve..

The song gets the spontaneous tune,
A flow,
Weaving the magic of your unspoken words
Attuned to the calligraphy on that unsung ink
Charting the territory of the virgin wilderness

Eyes dig deep, go deeper, to find nothing, but
To be lost again in the magic of us
That tells me,
The beginning of you and me, reliving the joy of
That eternity of us..

Where are you has never been the question
For-ever it is to be, the eternity of us, is the
Only proposition..

Why did you do so does make for thoughts
It ceased to be between you and me a long ago
It was to be, and it is between me and me
Straddling my soul,
In thoughts, with metathoughts
To my territory beyond this life..

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/

YET THE HARMONY OF BEING ONE WITH MEMORIES..

It was all but existent yet the harmony of being one with memories was all over his soul; was clearly visible in his thoughts.

There was the sense of loss that could never be compensated.

There was the absence of the person in him that still haunted.

There was the presence of the void in him that still talked to him.

There was this channel of conversation that still flowed through.

There was this sense of being incomplete that still left its imprint.

There was this hollowness that still sought answers, again and again.

But,

There was now this feeling of being at one with the presence of memories.

There was now this satisfaction that rendered the questioning not so desperate.

There was now the presence of his ‘Self’ within his ‘Soul’ once more to guide him.

There was now the channel of communication with Absence in the moments of longing.

There was now this sense of being on the journey to become what he needed to be.

There was now this completeness in his thoughts that it used to be when he had begun.

It is non-existent, still he feels it moving inside him, day after day, taken over by ‘their’ thoughts, sustained by the moments that were so few to count yet so deep to scale, driven by an identity that could find its ‘Self’ back.

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey – https://santoshchaubey.wordpress.com/