WAS IT LOVE?

A night of endless hesitations
Perplexing and reassuring both
In some moments
We would come together
Living the years between us
But the fear then would creep in
Reminding us of the void
That had sent us apart
I would often ask
Why it had to go this way
I can’t say about you
But your eyes speak the same
Was it love?
Well, we never spoke about
But I did care
About even smallest things
Life was building
Like a nest so delicate
Yet so vulnerable
That I had left everything else
To weave its wings
I still fly with it
And it was same that night
Expectations?
Well, I never had them
But it really helped
To see you flying as well

©SantoshChaubey

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THAT EVERYDAY JOURNEY

It was a vast expanse, virgin and uncharted
The joy of mapping it day after day
It was like visiting sanctums yet to be seen
The soul had no further expectations then
Than being on a journey to life and beyond
Paths would speak to destinations like routine
Sometimes it would be green of the rain
Or like the blue singing in melancholy quatrains
But all were like the dots waiting to connect
Known, unexpected, all colours would meet
In the freedom of sameness and its shades

©SantoshChaubey

MEMORIES….

It was yet a summer day
Seven years to that winter
When it was a different song
And with a difficult note
So rough was its melody
That all was lost into it
So intensely it was done
That he was left all to him
Days were frosty and alone
Even if it was a summer sun
Life flowed, melted
Left bruised, dispirited
The winter that stayed
In a summer that swayed
Seven years to that winter
It was again a summer day
In by-lanes of memories
When it all came rushing in
That’s still a different song
Been there all along
But seven years is so long
That it has got all along
Staying there, in a corner
Albeit, without its marker

©SantoshChaubey

O CHILDHOOD

O childhood
I was again lost in your innocence
When you didn’t ask me why
Your anger looks so complete
For both of us
That it doesn’t need words
Like that expression on your face
As natural, as reactive,
As life is supposed to be
You speak when you feel
You react when you have to
A freedom so natural to us
Yet we have to crave for it
In a life, driven by compulsions
We have almost forgotten
What it is about being a human
Our broken souls do cry inside
But in a painted world
Where we selectively cry
As it is invitational to its semiotics
And so to our inhibitions
When I see you o childhood
I realize what I have lost in life
And I go through this grind so often

©SantoshChaubey

I AM STILL LIVING IT AS MY SOUL

Let’s go there today, beyond those inhibitions
Life has taken so long and yet there is no word
Wait is a good experience only when it speaks
It sucks when silence forgets how to express
It might have been your soulful decision once
But it has betrayed you for so long that it hurts
You may not express it, but I, too, share its pain
We had walked together when life had a story
We are still walking together, trying to rewrite it
I have my words in place, but it is your time now
Come along the words our souls weaved then
In the worlds where the story had a conscience
I lived my part and I am still living it as my soul
You could not but I never felt any inhibition
It was not that I was strong and you were weak
Probably, words could not fall in place for you
I knew where our worlds were going to take us
I lived your questions all along, like my echoes
But you found yourself trapped by inhibitions
Yes, I was strong enough to see through them
I never asked for your reasons but now I say
Come beyond those inhibitions and reasons
The story that you left there, is still speaking

©SantoshChaubey

JOURNEY

It was a jolly good feeling
It was some happy mingling
Days were fully expressed
Words were fully dressed
The distance looked inviting
In full gear, like dancing
Some journeys tell stories
With new discoveries
Which keep you on the go
Penetrating you like a fresco
All those years in between
It was an experience so keen
Sometimes, it was dark
At times, it was so stark
Like always with its spark
Here it was our common arch
That we had had for so long
Yes, it’s where we belong
Life may send us adrift
But they were there to lift
It’s not how often we met
It’s not it was always so great
But, yes, we felt for each of us
That finally got us to meet thus

©SantoshChaubey

RETROSPECTION

That strange thought came suddenly
Crying out silently in the wilderness
Where leaves had stopped speaking
And the dew had a unseasonal dryness
And asked if I was ready for that
But what was that it didn’t tell
Was it something I was just thinking
Or an impression from days in past
The oddity of the thought pushed me
To revisit that me who was once here
Speaking in tones that so enthused
Like it was one of those thrills
That you spend your lifetime to have
There were lanes bright and closed
And the corridors of ringing bliss
It was a life that bathed me daily
That freshness initiated my days
With a clarity the morning dew spoke
And it would remain there
But I cannot say what happened
On a day when it didn’t speak
And lived a strange silence afterwards
I knew a retrospection was not there
But my introspection told me to do so
I was hurt, and so that person in me
But we both understood each other
Life had some plans and it went on
I don’t know if that part of me had his
But as years faded away from us
We learnt to get along to the extent
That we didn’t discuss about that
But this strange thought is pushing me
To introspect again for a retrospection
I don’t know if I would go for it
But at the moment, I am stuck with it

©SantoshChaubey

RECKONING

What it is in life that you so care for
Wasn’t it the day’s reckoning
To make amends with your conscience
Something refined, something sublime
It was a moment to go thoughtless
But why couldn’t you go beyond
There is a sky which has its own limits
And it was eager to get along with you
Sharing its pious abode of togetherness
It was an invitation that cared for you
It is that you still don’t want to go out
But how long will you remain like this
Absorbed in your moments as you go
You had to come here and speak up
What did you think about the black line
That you saw between you and beyond
You need to answer yourself
You don’t believed in the day of reckoning
But why can’t you go with the day’s reckoning?

©SantoshChaubey

QUESTIONS..QUESTIONS..

Questions that life so habitually throws
That sometimes they get that overdose
To the extent that it becomes so gloomy
Instead of a simple row with life
Questions, sometimes, embrace thorns
When it had to be a rose, even if verbose
Questions, sometimes, lose their repose,
And, at times, repulse to a listless state
Questions, sometimes, lose their weaving
Any why! Only in order to get apposed
Questions, sometimes, bring us together
But at times, they also send us afar
Questions, sometimes, push us to the altar
When we seem to be lost in a war within
Questions, sometimes, they leave their scars
Visible even in a future where past sucks
Questions, sometimes, split you
Ready with a scimitar, to mutilate you
Questions, sometimes, bring some thoughts
That you find you are totally at odds with
Questions, sometimes, create complexes
To simply get you confused in their maze
Questions, sometimes, ask like a fanatic
As to, why don’t you follow this zealot
Questions, sometimes, behave like an abbot
Who is ready to wait till infinity for his godot
Questions, sometimes, question their space
But a void is all that covers their face

©SantoshChaubey

EXPECTATIONS

Sometimes, you feel empty from within
Sometimes, you need to feel lost
Sometimes, it is a journey to nowhere
Sometimes, words just don’t add up
Sometimes, you just need it to be like this
When you fail to speak to even your soul
Life has been brutalized by expectations
‘What was there yesterday’ is not over
Yet ‘what will be there tomorrow’ begins
Life has become a maze of equations
Of burdening relations, of forced lies
You don’t know when you stopped caring
For a life that you had begun together
You could not realize when it slipped out
Like a borrowed identity, like a fake living
That life became a stranger in your chores
You got habituated to what you despised
Words used to be your friends in a past
But they sound like quirky existences now
Sometimes, they flow, like a yesterday
But their friction hounds every other day
Asking questions you don’t want to answer
But the truth is you need to answer them
It is not that you don’t realize this
But swept over by expectations of a life
That you never thought would be yours
You find those spaces of sanity choked
You meet your estranged life and soul
And fail to read your past and present
In a mad rush to meet expectations
When you can’t connect with words
Where you can’t correlated with journey
When your identity looks like a stranger
Where your life stops making any sense
In moments, when pain becomes unbearable
You cry for an honest introspection
You long for a clean slate, again, from within
And you madly try to make sense of words
On a journey that you did not choose
In moments like these, you try to feel lost
In a desperate effort to speak to your soul
To make sense of where it all began
To see if you can still heal your existence

©SantoshChaubey