The question is certainly individual and post-modern in its subtleties but the common thread is the elements of dilemma and the subsequent triumph in coherence with the existential fulcrum.

Who I was? Who I am? What I have become? Who I am to be?

Every life has its own take on these most pertinent questions of existence. The pure questions of the ‘being’ of the early years of existence are tested on the time-scale of the living variance as you cruise through the years of stay here.

Elements of identity coalesce to create a life-form.

A life begins with the raw values of existence and dismantles into their modified forms – something that tells the world who you were. Bringing the elements of poise into the existing pool of values is the basic texture of the questions behind the existential being in this world. The basic values of your position in the realm of existentialism – these are inherent to you, leading to the questions of the day-to-day life culminating in the question ‘who I am’.

It’s not about thinking grand to ponder over the question ‘who I am’; it’s about being intimate and honest to your ‘self’. It doesn’t require an intellect of the lifetime. Even the passing moment can lead you to reflect on this basic question of your ‘being’ here.

A life evolved is a life lived. A life lived with the elements of values poised to follow ‘your’ answers of ‘who you need to be’ is a life fulfilled.

We each interpret this poise of the elements of values based on the circumstances and ethos of the immediate sphere of the existence. And here lies the range on which the factors exist to make each life a journey different from the other.

A journey where being right or wrong doesn’t matter as much as your resolve to follow the best in ‘you’ and believe me, there is always a ‘yet to come’ ‘best in you’.

When you begin on the journey of conscious, everything is pure, directly from the pool of the endless possibilities, and so you float in a world of intrinsic energy to decide on and shape and reshape the questions ‘who I am’ and ‘who I need to be’.

As you move on the time-scale, the sphere of your very own experiences starts getting in touch with those of others, and in the process, exchanges may define and redefine the contours of your thought process, gradually shrinking the visibility of your intrinsic elements from the initial days of the unrestricted flow of energy.

But that rush to be your ‘self’ always remains there, though, circumstantially, the driving energy that thrusts you to achieve newer scales, may take a beating, leading to the spells of disbelieving in you.

What matters is the perpetuity of this flow of your intrinsic energy. It may take a beating but always remains there to be on your call. It is always on you when and how you make it.

Though everyone travels, only some make it.

Existentially, life is the pool of experiences that may let you up or let you down. What you aspired to be when your conscious began the journey of ‘who I am’ may not be the case when you got the professional foothold of your working life.

Reflecting back on it and finding that it let you up is the way forward. But if you feel what you are doing is letting you down should be the retrospection point to begin on the journey to reclaim your ‘self’; to make that call to your intrinsic energy to take the challenge of the change head-on.

Work till you get it. There is no limit but the one you impose on your ‘self’.

Always believe in the innocent aspirant of your beginning days and shape your world with the learning from the pool of experiences.

It works.

May 7, 2012

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey –


..or are losing fast..

The quest to lead (or be led) a life of the proportion you thought of and treading the chart blindly has inherent risk of ruining everything that was human in you.

You never knew when the blind race started sucking you squeezing out of you the ‘human you’.

On the surface, nothing seemed to change. You lived normally. Days passed. Every day was like the other day. You worked to set scales further higher. You worked even more.

Nothing wrong. All so good. Materially. Practically. All so worldly.

But not aesthetically. But not holistically. But not the human way.

You didn’t realise when you became too self-centred, too calculated with your life, stopped considering anything else than your self-interest.

You didn’t realise when you started counting every moment for a possible trade-off with this or that material prospect.

You didn’t realise when you started taking every other development as the precursor to the next step of the worldly scale to be achieved.

You didn’t realise when you started treating every relation by the value of its return-prospect in your life at the cost of the ‘old-fashioned’ but the irreplaceable word, ‘commitment’.

You didn’t realise when you started seeking everything only for you; when you started seeing every other thing, event or person just as mere means for fulfilling ‘that you’.

You never realised, midst all this, when you sacrificed so conveniently your innocence.

You never realised, all this while, when you so selfishly lost that childlike person in you that was to be your last redemption asset.

You never realised when you compromised your conscience to act ever more selfishly, following the narrow-minded path of the extreme self-interest.

The innocence that could have given you a better understanding of the relevant and the purer side of the life; could have taught you the significance of the small; could have told you the relevance of the mundane; could have let you think in the moments of the thoughtlessness; could have made you feel the presence of the nowhere; could have made the human in you survive and prosper, was so easily killed by you in order to gain more material wealth at the cost of the inseparable emotional quotient.

In the rush to realise the extreme materialism, you decidedly forgotten the indispensable trait (innocence), a value that let a human soul flourish to its fullest – a life lived fully having seen, enjoyed and appreciated all its colours in totality of the ‘self’; in vitality of the moments small and big; in mobility of the empty days and unoccupied moments; in joviality of the achievements and inspirations thereon; in scalability of the setbacks and negative energy afterwards, seeing the life the human way in its every happening; treating the external sphere of your life (and events and people there) as human as you expected for your own self.

Do you give even a passing thought to what you have lost and what you have become?

Do you realise what you are losing and what you are going to be?

©/IPR: Santosh Chaubey –